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My Journey as a Trans Ally (Theo: Founder of Trans Edu)
- Theodora Tang
- Dec 5, 2020
- 5 min read
Updated: Dec 6, 2020
Note: All names changed for their privacy
The first time I become interested in the LGBTQ+ community was in the 8th Grade. In my close knit friend group of 8, we had a lesbian (Carmella), a gay man (Jordan) and a bisexual person (Elle). At that time I didn't think much about it. My friends were cool and we loved playing board games together! I supported them and wished for them to experience the same love that I did as a straight person. That year my lesbian friend Carmella and I took a journalism class together whether we had to make a podcast episode. Carmella choose to make her podcast on non-binary people. That was my first time hearing about non-binary people and the trans community. I listened to her podcast episode and thought, "good for them" before moving on with my life.
The next year, I joined my school's LGBT club in support of my friends. I figured since Carmella couldn't join due to her parents, I show join to learn how to support her. I became really involved the in the club and I had a really great time. Around the the same time, Elle came out as non-binary (ENBY). Though I had heard about ENBYs from Carmella the year before, my 13/14 self didn't actually get it. I put in the effort to call Elle by their correct pronouns and called my friends out when they didn't use the correct pronouns. Problem is, that's all that I did. Whenever people would make insensitive jokes about Elle I would just laugh it off or wait for them to defend themselves. I even went as far as to say that they were too sensitive which obviously pissed them off to no end. After Grade 9, Elle moved away and we've had limited contact since. I understand why. I was a bad ally who didn't make them feel safe in the conservative international school we went to. I didn't make an effort to defend them and I acted like I was doing them a great job by calling other people out for not using their pronouns. Still, I went on with my life. At that time I hadn't realized how terrible of an ally I was, and Elle had left so my need to use gender-neutral pronouns went with them.
It wasn't until Grade 11 my advocacy for the Trans community became serious. The summer before, I had realized that I was bi (which explained why I was so invested in the community). In my AP history class we needed to write a research paper on a topic in history that we cared about. Being all gung-ho about the LGBT community I decided I would write my paper on the the treatment of gay people specifically focused around conversion therapy. However, when I met with the librarian to discuss my topic, she mentioned that the trans community rarely got any coverage and it would be interesting if I did my paper on that. Intrigued, I changed my topic to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey (NTDS) and it's impact on US policies. Quickly I found myself immersed in trans literature, laws and stories that I had never heard of in the past. From then on, I decided that I would be a better ally to the community and that any time I got to write a research paper I would write it on the trans community so that I could educate the teachers/professors/TAs who had to read it.
I held onto my promise. When entered UofT (University of Toronto) my first year, I took a 100 level English course to fulfill my breadth requirements. In that class I wrote a research paper on the lack of trans knowledge in healthcare. Medical schools don't touch enough on the LGBT community during their education which means that when doctors are faced with a trans person, they often treat the trans person with the numbers for their biological sex. This could be extremely dangerous/inaccurate especially when the trans person has already started hormone therapy to transition. The essay wasn't top notch by any means (I think I got a B on it?) but my Professor told me that she learnt something and that made me extremely happy. Unfortunately, my allyship only really shone through in the classroom. My best friend that year as a ENBY named Emily. They were a Korean-Canadian (half Korean, half white) CS major who was an amazing with their social justice. I really admired them and we had the same interests so we really hit it off. By then I was already used to they/them pronouns so I had no problem using them with Emily. I thought I had really improved but I didn't. Emily prefers they/them/he/him pronouns but to someone who doesn't know they look like a woman. So when I asked them questions about how people treated them, I would say "as someone who presents as a woman" how would you see__________? Emily didn't tell me that this hurt them until the very end of the year where they ended our friendship. After a massive amount of reflection I realized that what I was saying was really insensitive. I should've known better. Of course Emily didn't tell me I was making them uncomfortable but I should've realized that this wasn't going to help with their dysphoria.
Now that I'm in my 3rd year, I've learnt from my mistakes. I've made tons of adjustments to how I treat my trans and non-binary friends so that I can avoid causing them any dysphoria. I remind others to use my friends' correct pronouns so that my friends can feel respected and I've taken the time to educate myself more on trans issues so that I can be the best ally I can be. In the sorority that I'm part of we had a new member named AJ join us this year who's non-binary. I've had a great time talking to them and I've applied some of the new things I've learnt when interacting with them. So far AJ and I vibe really well so I think I've really learnt from all the past mistakes that I've made.
In the end, I think the readers (you) might be thinking, if you're NOT even trans, why do care so much? Why share your experience? Why did you start Trans edu? Why not do research on biphobia or start an organization in regards to that? Well I think it's important to remember that allies of of a community are an important part of advocacy. Remember during stonewall, it was black trans woman Marsha P. Johnson who threw the first brick. Trans people have always been there for the LGBT community and it's about high time we give back. It is important to note that we as allies should not speak over the voices of the trans community. We can help them amplify it and help educate others on the community but we're not trans. We don't know what it's like to live in fear because someone finding out our gender identity might murder us. We don't know what it's like to suffer from severe employment discrimination because of our gender identity. As allies we should be in the back supporting the community. They should be the leaders of their movement, we are army that supports them from behind.
My AllyShip Timeline:
- Grade 8: First contact with the LGBT community + Non-binary People
- Grade 9: Elle comes out as non-binary + my inexperience dealing with non-binary people + joins LGBT Club
-Summer Before Grade 11: Including myself in the LGBT community
-Grade 11: Wrote Paper on the Trans Discrimination
-UofT Year 1: Friendship with Emily + ENG100 Trans Education in HealthCare Paper
-UofT Year 3: PSY322 (this class) + Jordan coming out + PSY322 Trans Paper on JK Rowling
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